Beginner's eyes

When I was working on my laptop in Eugene and Missouri, I didn’t feel compelled to photograph it and share it with the world. But now…I’m seeing with beginner’s eyes.

Things are new. The setting is different - different from the view that I have had and different from the view that most of my friends and family have. My lens has changed too. When in Eugene or St. Louis, my people had a sense that they knew where I was and could assume no news meant there’s nothing noteworthy. Many of those same people don’t have a clear image of where I am now and what daily life is like.

Little delights

A bird with a bright yellow belly, wings streaked with orange, and a white striped head just swooped in for a piece of cat food. Kyron the cat is sitting in the grassy yard and doesn’t seem to notice or care.

Yesterday, a turtle came out of the jungle-like center courtyard of the house looking for food. He refused our lettuce and papaya when placed on the floor, but gladly ate papaya fed to him by Brian with a fork. His name is Lancelot and he has a reputation for being very particular, though if you set his special dish up correctly, fork feeding is not explicitly required.

Art-adorned walls, a family lunch, an interior courtyard taking over the dinner room wall, getting the clothes out of the sun just in time for the rain to roll in...Life is now filled with these little delights sprinkled through the day.

In awe

I’m in awe. Awe of the world around me, and – when I’m really honest – in awe of myself. I wanted to be here. We wanted to be here. And here we are.

I have kept it together all these months. Is my body waiting to collapse? To be a pile of mush? There’s relief and joy in being here. What happened to the fear, the scariness of the unknown that I had been carrying?

The “do-er” in me is great at keeping fear at bay. It is time to invite back in the “be-er”. Be present and make space for what might emerge. I’m in the midst of exhilarating newness. It’s a major adjustment to shift to a permanent unknowing of where I’ll live 3 months from now. What needs to shift in me for something new to take root?