Mar 1, 2024 3 min read Debrief

Let's Celebrate (noticing) Judgement

The adage “don’t judge” is not humanly possible or helpful. Let’s go for some positive reinforcement rather than punishment. Noticing is the first step.

Last week, I took the week "off" for a work exchange on a farm in Chincha, Peru. I left my husband at home in Lima, traveled 4 hours away, and showed up not knowing exactly what to expect. The host, Freddy, greeted me and showed me around my home for the week. He provided a tent & air mattress, ingredients for our meals, and all the vine-ripened passionfruit we could eat. Then, I and 9 other travelers (and 2 kids) pitched in 9-1:30 each day preparing an adobe mud mix with aloe, covering over mud brick walls, and inlaying mosaics. We took turns cooking group meals and cleaning up.

One day, Freddy, said his priority was us painting bottles to then add into the walls as decoration. I had a judgement pop up: This seems like "busy" work, like he doesn't know what else to do with us. This doesn't support him in any practical way and he is feeding us 3 meals a day while still managing his own day job! We should be doing something more useful.

Hello, judgement!

The adage “don’t judge” is not helpful. Of course we’re going to judge. We’re humans. We’re judgement-making, story-telling animals.

We can’t go through the world without making judgements; it is what keeps us alive and safe. However, our judgements can get us into trouble, particularly when we’re ascribing meaning to others’ behaviors. The more different we are, the more we could be wrong. And we could be spectacularly wrong if we don’t recognize a judgement for what it is, believing it to be the truth and only truth. So, what are we to do?

We practice noticing our judgements. Noticing is key. Noticing and identifying a thought as a judgement (or interpretation, story, view…), in and of itself, gives us a little space from it to decide what’s next.

Identifying a judgement we made and responding internally with some version of “Stop it, Sara, you’re judging again. Don’t judge!” acts as a self-imposed punishment of guilt or shame. 😔 Generally, we try to avoid bad feelings like those that come with punishment. In this case, that could mean avoiding feeling bad by not making judgements – or it could mean avoiding feeling bad by not noticing our judgments (which is easier, given we can’t actually just stop judging).

💡

When I notice a judgement, I give myself a little mental cookie – “Congratulations, Sara! You noticed a judgement!” 🍪 That positive reinforcement acknowledges my humanity (that I will judge) and motivates me to notice more judgements in the future.

Testing my judgement

I noticed I judged the directive to paint bottles, but I was still resistant. Someone needed to cook lunch, so I did that while others got started painting. Later on, I joined in and enjoyed painting a bottle with the others. That night, I got to chatting with Freddy more. I learned that his dream is to open the space as a cultural center. He wants a beautiful space to share before it opens and is dedicating the current surge of volunteers to make that happen. He started with redoing the kitchen adobe walls to remind him of his grandmother's kitchen and then it spread to bring the surrounding walls to share that style. I came to see that painting bottles and inlaying them into the walls, contributes to making his dream a reality and is well worth our time.

Join me

I'm glad I didn't stay stuck, assuming my judgement to be the full truth. Join me to practice getting unstuck, working with a judgement you hold (and get a free taste of what I do for a living).

Transforming Tensions Toolkit Workshop

Thursday, March 14th 10-11am EDT
A hands-on workshop working through our own situations and sharing some of my favorite communication tools to get us unstuck in tricky situations
$0-29 pay what makes sense for you
See more and reserve your spot: www.curiousways.co/events/

Extra goodness

Amidst the bottle painting and adobe wall construction, we lived in company together. We shared stories of how we came to be there, hailing from Japan, Germany, Brazil, Czech Republic, Spain, and me from the US. It was a hot and sweaty, and beautiful, and connective week with my hands in the mud and my creatively unleashed. Freddy encouraged us to contribute what we thought was needed. So, my last morning I painted one more bottle.

The back up rolls of toilet paper were being stored outside of our single bathroom, which easily left folks stranded with an empty role. With brainstorming help from others, I came up with this design that we thought would implicitly encourage people to keep a back up roll of toilet paper on the top of the bottle. I know I would prefer to look at 3rd scoop of ice cream rather than a cockroach any day!